Who Are You?

06/02/2012

I sometimes wonder if this is what those forms that say, “Tell Us About Yourself” really want to know.  I have a wide variety of standard answers that would fit into the little box that they offer, however, I find myself stating the usual (safe) suspects of, “dependable, honest, trustworthy…” when, in fact, what I would really like to say is: I would love to ride a dragon. I often fantasize about being a Samurai (and fighting in a battle where I win).  That I never quit and I rarely yield. That I believe Laughter is a cure for almost anything. That I want to be fearless and fierce every day of my life.  I want to lead.  I’d declare that I place the most value on my happiness… and on true love.  I want to inspire and be inspired.  I’d write how I too struggle with my own identity and insecurities.  I’d say how I try very hard to follow the Buddhist way of not holding onto things but it’s something I have to remind myself of frequently.  I exercise mindfulness and although I teach yoga and love to teach…. I often don’t make time for my own practice.  I’d add I believe that brilliant things can be learned in silence.  And, I’d end by saying, that a long time ago…. I was my own hero and that knowledge makes me fearless and fierce (almost everyday of my life).

There is no amount of space in a box that could possibly contain “Who I am”.  It changes every day.  But the one thing that never changes is that I always hope and strive to be the very best version of myself.

So, that’s me…. at least me right now 😉

Who Are You?

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Facing a fear… not easy.  My own chosen fear to face:  forearm balance went quite well.  A bit of hyperventilating and lots of “okay, okay, okay… I can do this”… lol.  After a few attempts (that didn’t result in a broken nose) I began to gain some confidence with it.  I did miss one day but have decided to continue working on them after the week is over.  A lot of times for me, it’s just finding a way to get started.  I can get comfortable not pushing myself and allowing my fears of being alone, breaking my nose, feeling sad… whatever they may be stop me from doing things that I want to do.  Things that will make my life better.  Or, so I hope.

This week was a really good week… and a really hard week for me.  Trying to fit in a run every day (which I have except for today) and finding the energy to teach and work, make time for my friends, and for myself, can be a hard balance.  And, letting go of those things and people who might keep me from reaching the goals I have for myself…. that can all be very challenging too.  Sometimes, it can be hard to find humor through tears.  But, that is why challenging ourselves to accomplish one small goal at a time can create that strength we need in ourselves to say “I can do this”.  Even though, you don’t want to and you run screaming from it like a little girl (not that I have ever done that…lol).

Some homework for this week:  Find one intention for yourself.  One small or large intention.  It can be you ‘intend’ to tackle the laundry, call an old friend / new friend or family member you haven’t talked to in a while, maybe volunteer somewhere…. maybe it will be to be the very best ??? that you can be.  🙂  Start your day off with that intention… see how it goes 🙂

I can’t believe it is the end of the week.  This week seemed to fly by.  I ended up putting in nearly 60 hours total of work and my head is still spinning.  The challenge this week saved my sanity.  After working so much and also completing a Reiki training where I need to find time to devote either 1.5 hours or 20 minutes to practicing it a day, in addition, to trying to find time for my yoga practice, feeling guilty over my lost run and workout sessions, and sneaking in a few pages of a new book I bought; I found finding time for a walk at the beginning of the week just annoying.  I didn’t want to walk, I didn’t have time for it and I’d rather be running.  I left my iPod at home and was determined to enjoy this stupid challenge (yes, I feel that way too sometimes).  On Wednesday, as I walked my daughter to her bus I looked up the street and saw how the leaves were falling off the trees and started thinking about how winter would soon be here.  For the first time, all week, I was looking forward to walking.

I’d talked to my class about doing a “Walking Meditation”.  In yoga, we use our breath as a point of reference to maintaining awareness in the present moment, but, in a walking meditation, we use our footsteps.  Heel, ball, toe.  Naturally, the mind wanders and you’ve gone 1/2 a mile before you realize you are a million miles away somehow in both the past and present in your mind. But, then, you can always come back to your meditation and instead of ruminating and worrying… you start to relax and feel grounded.

By the end of the week, I needed the walk.  I needed that time for myself and a break from everything else the world was throwing at me.  The warm sun on my back… the sunshine on my face… watching leaves fall from the trees and clouds move across the sky.  These are things I take for granted…. and I’m happy I took the time to appreciate them this week.  I hope you all did too! 🙂